Critical Unity body spray comes in two VERY masculine and heterosexual scents: “Your Father’s Disappointment” and “Why Do Women Only Date Assholes?”
New and improved Critical Unity banker’s boxes! Now with 1970s-style woodgrain sides to remind you of when you were young and hip and still had all your hair, your friends, and/or your girlish figure as you file your receipts, taxes, or letters of warning from your creditors. Filing has never been so fun!
It also comes in amaranth, cherry, cherry blossom, coral, salmon, french rose, lavender rose, normal rose, fuchsia, magenta, bright pink, dark pink, deep pink, ultra pink, and mauve.
Too broke to afford to get drunk but still harbour too much hope in your life to drink mouthwash? Try Critical Unity Vodka! All the taste of rubbing alcohol but in a slightly nicer bottle.
Here are some highly convincing testimonials:
“It feels just like a thousand mosquito bites in between my fingers!”
“How is it possible for soap to make me feel more dirty?”
“I feel like vomiting whenever I put my hands near my face!”